Your right, you probably are depending on him too much for your happiness. Happiness comes from within, not from external sources.
First thing is you have to learn to be happy with who you are. For that you need to understand exactly who you are. Women tend to base who they are off of everyone around them, too often they discard the person inside to become who they think everyone wants them to be. This can often cause the woman to compromise who they actually are and will in fact lead to unhappiness. Quit putting up a false front, be yourself, all that bending to make everyone else happy can and will eventually cause you to snap. One thing you need to realize is most people who are hanging around you are there because of the person you were before you met them, not who you became afterwards and often they end up wondering what's wrong with you and what caused you to change. You will need to realize that your not always going to make everyone happy all the time, fights are going to happen, it's human nature. You can't and won't always agree with everything everyone does and will just have to accept them for who they are and they will have to extend the same curtesy to you.
Once you've discovered who you are, then you will need to learn to accept that and be happy with that. You are going to have to learn that you are not perfect, you never will be, no one expects you to be. Learn to forgive yourself for those flaws that you find and accept that they are your flaws. While you might try to overcome those flaws, you will need to understand that it's alright if you fail to overcome them. Don't beat yourself up over it, don't dwell on them it's unhealthy and not going to do yourself any good. As far as how you look, even women that to you look absolutely drop dead gorgeous and perfect will think that they have flaws in thier beauty and when they look in the mirror can only see those flaws. You will need to understand that most people when they look at you probably don't see those things that you do when you look in the mirror. While this is a superficial world that we seem to be living in these days, your going to find that most people probably do find you attractive.
Now as far as doing things to be more independant, your right you cannot do it for him the fact that your trying to be just so perfect for him and have built your world around him, is probably pushing him away. You have to go out and do things because you want to, you have to do it for yourself not anyone else. You say the job is not filling your void, jobs usually don't unless you really like the job and the people that you are working with and since that rarely happens well you are going to have to find something else. You said you like dancing and wish you were out at the dance clubs, well go take some dance classes. And go out dancing (granted don't get so involved in it that it takes away from the rest of your life) have a little fun. If your wanting to just have some long conversations and joke around with people some, try doing some work at your church volunteer to help organize the events. If your not involved in the church i am sure there are other things in your community you can do. Make some friends go hang out with them and have fun. It seems to me that a lot of women when they get married dump thier social lives and become so wrapped up in thier families that they forget that they can have friends and go have fun outside of that family. Key is though, don't forget that you do have family to tend to, don't shirk your responsibilities.
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Your welcome, I have been dealing with my wife on her own self esteem issues. It really has opened up my eyes on a lot of things. Just glad i could help out someone else out with the insights that i have had in the process of helping her out.How can i build more self esteem and be independant from my spouse?
hey, you can contact me anytime you need to talk,ok
Hey! I am a mom of 2 year old and have even worse situation than you ,I think. I look after my child and another stepkid (teenager) while my partner goes out with his friends(about twice a month) while he does not want me to go out at all. I do not work at the moment, so he has all the money and everything and I don't get nothing. And when I say I will work, he says I won't earn enough so we could benefit, cos the little one needs to go to the nursery and I also need to be home for the bigger one. He almost never compliments me and blames me if I go out even to the park every day(for my adventures he says). So, I look for more assurance from him, but he says I seek attention. Thats only normal if I stay all dsay at home and do not have anyone to talk to. The only time I hear a compliment is when I actually see other people. I suggest that you start a part time course for a better career and do exercises (at home if you can not access anything else). Gain self confidence and once the kids are big enough, start your own career and you will meet new people. Do not have more kids, though, otherwise you might be too far from your target and gradually will give up. When your husband will see that you have your own life he will become more jelous than you can imagine, but then you won't even need his opinion either. I wish you all the best sweetheart, cos I know how you feel. I am young and attractive, but one somebody uses you as a door mat it does not even matter. Focus, think about new plans for the future and love yourself.
You can kill both of these birds with ONE stone.
Pursue some sort of higher education. Start slowly, if it makes you more comfortable.
Try the nearest community college.
